It's kind of a more appealing idea for me right now rather than working on my BIZ1 paper, which is due in a few hours. I'm a rebel like that.

I supposed I should have just posted some stuff here rather than my Tumblr. But, it's clearly not my fault when people assume that they're the ones that I'm talking about on my posts. I just have to point out that it's quite irritating when people think that everything is about them.

It's not. Geez, people. Take a hint. The world does not revolve around you alone.

My blog is my blog, and I write whatever I want. It is not anyone's place to say that I can't post this or that. It is not my fault if you assume that everything I put there is about you.

*le sigh*

I'm sorry. It's been awhile since I last posted anything here and yet I rant and rant. I am terribly sorry. It's just kinda nice to let out your frustrations once in awhile. I mean, I thought I was completely over it, but now that I think about it, I guess I'm not. I've moved on a bit, but completely? No, not really. It's an impossible feat.

In lieu of past events, let me tell you a story of what really happened.

There was a friend of mine... Well, we had a thing for awhile, but it didn't work out. That's what he said. I was really hurt and at one point I tried to kill myself. Well, not really. It was a rather weird feeling. I just wanted to hurt myself physically so that I won't feel the pain inside.

I wasn't able to slit my wrist because my friend, Carla, kept texting me the whole time to not do anything stupid or it's friendship over. It was a bit intriguing, the fact that I'm terribly scared of any physical pain, yet at that point in time, I just didn't care. I guess the pain inside was a bit too much that the being scared part was completely enveloped by it. Looking back now, it was completely stupid and I'm glad I had my friends who stopped me before I did it.

I was also appalled when I posted a pretty long post on Tumblr about it and so many people replied and even sent me some love in my inbox. :)

Anyway, that friend and I became... well, friends. I was still recovering and we also promised that we'll be there for each other no matter what. But, that didn't last very long since he just went and assumed that I was talking about him in a post of mine on Tumblr.

FYI, I was talking about another guy. I do not know why he thought that I could never move on to another guy. I went out with this guy, who was about 2-3 years older than me, once. It was nice, but I felt like it wasn't going to work out so I ended it before it was gonna go any further. He said it's fine and told me thanks for telling him as soon as possible, he also added for me to not be a stranger and still keep in contact. I said yes, of course.

I waited for like a few weeks and he still did not even dare to chat with me. I tried talking to him but he was like a completely different person. So, I got frustrated and opted to write about him on Tumblr. I didn't mention his name, that's why my other friend thought that I was talking about him.

People nowadays. After that incident, I felt like he was avoiding me, so I asked him. Then he kept on whining and telling me he's sick and tired of drama. He's practically telling me that he's sick and tired of me. Cause, apparently, I'm full of drama. Well, if he talked to me when I was happy with my life rather than when I was sad, maybe I won't be so full of drama, right? It makes sense. After that, it was awkward moment from the days that I would encounter him in school to the point that we didn't talk anymore. I tried talking to him, but he assumed again that at one time I made a face at him when I didn't. So, I'm tired. I'm just really tired. I wanted to stay as friends with him, but I guess he's sick and tired of me. Maybe, if he didn't assume so much then it wouldn't have turned out this way. He doesn't know how much he's hurt me. I cried so much in that last chat that we had.

He already hurt me when it was in that point in time that we were more than friends, and then he also hurt me more when we were just friends. What is the point in continuing? I tried, didn't I? He said, I didn't? I did.

He's completely changed. I don't really know him anymore. I still have that night's chat. I haven't opened it for awhile now, now that I realize. But whenever I do see it when I browse some of my laptop's documents and I see the notepad icon, my heart skips a beat.

Terrible ending, yet again.

After awhile, I was able to go out and have fun with a couple of South friends. Went to the Rodriguez's Halloween party and got drunk for the first time ever, and went to Cuenca Park @ Ayala Alabang for the 11/11/11 Southbound Lantern Festival which was just absolutely pretty and magical. Both events I went to, I saw him. I tried to talk to him in the Halloween party, but he wouldn't talk to me. It's actually safe to say that he was avoiding me. It was so obvious.

I can't really do anything about that. If he thinks that I'm an obsessive girl with a lot of issues, then so be it. I found out that he's been twisting the stories and telling it to his best friend. I don't know how many people he told, I don't care anymore. I'm tired.

I lost some, I gain some. But I guess my happy days are over. There's nothing to look forward to now. I was really envious when the others went to the Cangs' house to play the Game of Thrones board game. God knows how much I wanted to play it. :( But I guess, it's back to school life for me. No more going out. No more. It's back to the same 'ol boring Monica. Completely forgotten because of a new face in the crowd. :(

#le sigh

This is such an emo post.

I'm tired. I don't event want to check for mistakes in this post of mine.

Since I bet no one reads this blog anymore, but me. I don't really care.

Bye.

Good morning.

Is it to optimistic to hope for better days? Can I hope for it? :(